I read this a few months ago on a friend's blog and the words stuck with me. Because, you know, comparison often pays me a visit in my thoughts and it really just does steal joy.
These are some of the ways comparison speaks in a voice of subtle discontent to me...
"She uses cloth nappies and gives her children organic food...aren't you able to do that?"
"I bet her meals are all well-planned and delicious every night...and she cleans her toilet every week too"
"Why did you say that? Why aren't you like ___________ and just say things that are worth listening to?"
It's actually a bit embarrassing admitting these types of thoughts that run through my head. Some of them are pretty stupid! I may well be tempted to listen to the latter after hitting 'publish'! But truthfully I believe in transparency (in its appropriate place). Sharing that I have my moments, sometimes too many, of believing that voice that weaves discontent into my spirit. Believing it enough to wish I might have done things differently or better, or that I was someone else, even if I know they're not words of truth. Yes, these whispers of comparison are real, and can sometimes have some benefit, like when we're looking to someone else as an encouragement to be more disciplined or perseverant in something we value. But most of them are downright nonsense and serve only to steal our joy, and to stop us from opening our eyes, looking around us and finding a multitude of things we can be thankful for. Sometimes voicing my struggles aloud not only helps others know that I'm not as nearly-perfect or 'on-top-of-things' as facebook or my blog might sometimes unintentionally lead others to believe, but also to show myself how silly some things that I give listening space to really are...then allowing myself to listen to the truth.
My main purpose for writing this blog is keep family and friends faraway up to date with our life over here in Switzerland. Second (and this has become first-equal in many ways!) is to make contact with other mums, most of whom also have blogs. It's a great community of sharing fun ideas, learning from their wisdom and sharing life with its ups and downs. I tend to prefer to focus on the fun adventures and moments of life that are bright, funny, memorable and beautiful...capturing them and storing them up here as a record for our family. But, in reading other blogs, sometimes I ask myself if I'm being fake, offering a false image of our life and whether or not I should also write of the challenges? Or at least put a disclaimer on the colourful posts so that people don't get the wrong impression. One of my personal aims is to cultivate a thankful heart, notice the details of daily life that often go overlooked as insignificant, and to create that sort of outlook of gratitude in our family life. It's not at all that we dismiss the fact that there definitely are plenty of moments of self-centredness (I speak for myself!), frustration, chaos, food stuck to the floor, tiredness, tears, ingratitude, words spoken in anger, fear...and more. I don't purposefully try to hide that and put on a fake façade of a perfectly-arranged home, delicious meals (trust me, preparing meals are one of the biggest causes of stress!), beautifully decorated cupcakes (I much prefer to bake over cooking meals!), creative crafts, playhouses, reading corners, and a life in paradise (though in reality our surroundings can't be too far from it!). But I can imagine for those of you who don't live our day-to-day lives (i.e. everyone else!) you can be forgiven for wondering...
There is so much more I could write on this, and I will no doubt wish I had worded some thoughts differently, but these are just some thoughts that having been mulling around in my mind for some time. It's easy to look to others and, from the limited glimpses we get of their lives (if we're not seeing each other regularly) to imagine a false reality...wishing we had more of what they had. It is a joy-stealer, as I have realised from experience...and I'm sure there are so many things that surround each of us each day that are worth noticing with gratitude, even in the midst of chaos and heartbreak. It does our hearts, souls and health a world of good. We are surrounded by beauty and innumerous miracles of life...we just need, sometimes, to redefine what we class as 'beautiful' and 'good enough' and how we make judgements. And the Truth will set us free...
These are some of the ways comparison speaks in a voice of subtle discontent to me...
"Don't you wish you were like them? They have a house, good jobs...and an iPad..."
"They live close to *their* families. Why are you so far away from yours?? Isn't that selfish of you??"
"He
didn't waste his degree...he was brave and successful enough to get a
job and use what he learned. Working voluntarily isn't *real* work."
"She's outgoing, fun and interesting. People love her. Why aren't you like her?"
"I bet her meals are all well-planned and delicious every night...and she cleans her toilet every week too"
"Why did you say that? Why aren't you like ___________ and just say things that are worth listening to?"
It's actually a bit embarrassing admitting these types of thoughts that run through my head. Some of them are pretty stupid! I may well be tempted to listen to the latter after hitting 'publish'! But truthfully I believe in transparency (in its appropriate place). Sharing that I have my moments, sometimes too many, of believing that voice that weaves discontent into my spirit. Believing it enough to wish I might have done things differently or better, or that I was someone else, even if I know they're not words of truth. Yes, these whispers of comparison are real, and can sometimes have some benefit, like when we're looking to someone else as an encouragement to be more disciplined or perseverant in something we value. But most of them are downright nonsense and serve only to steal our joy, and to stop us from opening our eyes, looking around us and finding a multitude of things we can be thankful for. Sometimes voicing my struggles aloud not only helps others know that I'm not as nearly-perfect or 'on-top-of-things' as facebook or my blog might sometimes unintentionally lead others to believe, but also to show myself how silly some things that I give listening space to really are...then allowing myself to listen to the truth.
My main purpose for writing this blog is keep family and friends faraway up to date with our life over here in Switzerland. Second (and this has become first-equal in many ways!) is to make contact with other mums, most of whom also have blogs. It's a great community of sharing fun ideas, learning from their wisdom and sharing life with its ups and downs. I tend to prefer to focus on the fun adventures and moments of life that are bright, funny, memorable and beautiful...capturing them and storing them up here as a record for our family. But, in reading other blogs, sometimes I ask myself if I'm being fake, offering a false image of our life and whether or not I should also write of the challenges? Or at least put a disclaimer on the colourful posts so that people don't get the wrong impression. One of my personal aims is to cultivate a thankful heart, notice the details of daily life that often go overlooked as insignificant, and to create that sort of outlook of gratitude in our family life. It's not at all that we dismiss the fact that there definitely are plenty of moments of self-centredness (I speak for myself!), frustration, chaos, food stuck to the floor, tiredness, tears, ingratitude, words spoken in anger, fear...and more. I don't purposefully try to hide that and put on a fake façade of a perfectly-arranged home, delicious meals (trust me, preparing meals are one of the biggest causes of stress!), beautifully decorated cupcakes (I much prefer to bake over cooking meals!), creative crafts, playhouses, reading corners, and a life in paradise (though in reality our surroundings can't be too far from it!). But I can imagine for those of you who don't live our day-to-day lives (i.e. everyone else!) you can be forgiven for wondering...
There is so much more I could write on this, and I will no doubt wish I had worded some thoughts differently, but these are just some thoughts that having been mulling around in my mind for some time. It's easy to look to others and, from the limited glimpses we get of their lives (if we're not seeing each other regularly) to imagine a false reality...wishing we had more of what they had. It is a joy-stealer, as I have realised from experience...and I'm sure there are so many things that surround each of us each day that are worth noticing with gratitude, even in the midst of chaos and heartbreak. It does our hearts, souls and health a world of good. We are surrounded by beauty and innumerous miracles of life...we just need, sometimes, to redefine what we class as 'beautiful' and 'good enough' and how we make judgements. And the Truth will set us free...
2 comments:
so i was reading a parenting mag in the weekend and i read your letter!!!!!!!!! i couldn't believe that out of all the mags and all the letters i read yours :) it was great. What incredible miracles your girls are.
love mim
oh you did!! I love the Parenting mag :) Such brilliant ideas!! They are indeed miracles...it's amazing to see how far they've come :) Hope your week is going well there!
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