Some honest thoughts on real life and culture...

I've had a few comments from friends about my blog, that they are inspired by my positivity in life and finding things to be thankful for in those things we might be tempted to overlook or not appreciate. It's always encouraging to receive such feedback, but I know in truth that often my real life doesn't really look like that. It's a bit like when people see a photo like this...

...and imagine that our living room always looks like this, that our girls are always smiling and happy, I have all the time in the world to do creative, fun things, and keep a home tidy on top of it. I confess that I, too, look at photos of friends' young children and can't imagine anything but smiles and an organized, organic, earth-friendly home.

But really, this is what it looks like here for much of our days...

...and I think the photo doesn't quite give the messiness justice! (this was after clearing quite a bit away).

It's a bit like life. I guess one thing about blogging, or updating a facebook status, is that we can choose a moment when we are able to see things in a good light, and it's much easier, and everything looks and sounds great. But there are many moments in which I struggle to see the good side in situations, and I have a tendency to worry about things that don't even exist...and probably won't in the way I imagine them to! Often I just need to stop and remind myself (which I don't succeed at very well!) that with a good sleep and an opportunity to reflect I can see things more clearly and in a more thankful and positive way. 

Which leads me to reflect on a few little cultural lessons I've been trying to learn...

Belo Horizonte, Brazil

The Next Wave, Ibiza

Jerusalem, Israel

Bethlehem, Palestinian Territories

Sigisoara, Romania

Northern Uganda

This is my 8th year living away from New Zealand. During the past 7 years I have spent a combination of weeks, months or years in places such as Holland, Argentina, Brazil, Romania, England, Uganda, on a sailing boat, Israel, Palestine and Switzerland. Where I've spent more than a year I have come to know these places as *home.* When I first joined YWAM, a large international 'movement' of people who work voluntarily in a whole variety of places and projects around the world, I learnt about something known as 'culture shock.' It's typically that feeling that comes once the honeymoon period of being somewhere new and exciting wears off, and suddenly you struggle to see the unique and good things, rather feeling overwhelmed by all the differences and 'strange' ways of doing things. I've experienced these feelings many times, off and on, particularly in places where life is quite different to what I've known. Sometimes it has involved food and just wanting something familiar again...anything...usually Weetbix or Marmite of all things! Other times it has involved aspects of culture that come naturally to one who grows up within that culture, but leads to a lot of misunderstanding for those who haven't. Once, when with a wonderful team of Dutch friends, I burst into tears one night because I couldn't cope with the tension in the room during a disagreement between others in the group. It bothered no-one but me because the forthrightness of the Dutch culture meant you could say what was important to you without meaning it personally against the other. I was also able to appreciate that as a strength as I could trust I was being given an honest opinion rather than being told something that might merely make me feel good. 

Lately I've been struggling again with the differences of culture, language and food that come with living somewhere different to what I knew as 'normal'. It's not too bad and it's probably just due to the fact we're in the middle of a long winter season, we've just had Christmas, and I tend to think the grass is greener on the other side during such times! But there comes a point when, even though I can converse pretty well in french, be understood, and understand almost everything, I can't speak my heart as I would love to...or be seen as the Remaliah I am when I'm speaking english. It's a funny thing to have, in many ways, two identities...the english-speaking Remaliah, and the french-speaking Remaliah (or Maya as I'm more commonly known here). The latter often gives me the image of being 'cute' (because of the funny ways I say things!) but not always taken very seriously, and sometimes seen as much younger or less intelligent :) I am often misunderstood, even if I think I managed to communicate quite clearly. It's probably a combination of different humour, culture and language that leads to that. So I try to get over it, and instead appreciate the gift of being able to learn and live within another language-environment (especially that our girls can grow learning both at the same time!). I make a deliberate effort to speak in french with everyone, even if I know some friends speak english well. Unless I'm tired and really struggle to explain myself...then I take advantage of the opportunity to talk freely!

The Dead Sea

BBQ with friends, Norwegian style!

I have also realised along the way that there tend to be certain ways of doing things here in the Swiss-French and French cultures (Eti and his family are originally French), which are, most often, a great combination of tradition and efficiency. Although, sometimes those things clash with the try-something-in-a-new-way NZ culture. There are moments when I sigh audibly, express my frustration and feel homesick...then I try to look at it from a different light - because this is our home here - and see that there is a lot to appreciate, learn from and enjoy within these traditions...and some we can benefit from ourselves.

I guess, now that we're talking seriously about making a move to NZ, I am more conscious of what we will leave behind. I don't want to think that everything I know as familiar is better, because quite simply it isn't always. Experience has shown me that the grass really isn't always greener, but the combination of different ways of doing, seeing and saying things makes life all that more richer....even if it involves misunderstanding and frustrations along the path. I'm learning very slowly, but getting there, not to take things personally...and intent on gleaning the beauty, making a conscious effort to be open to learning and appreciating the richness of living within and learning from another culture. It's easier said than done, but I'm trying...